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Humor

Introduction

Every language has funny things, here are some of about the English language. Enjoy it!

 

If you have any other funny material, please send it to us! info@wordmagicsoft.com


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Did you know? Speaking English can drive you verbally insane?

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweet-meats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

 

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

 

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

 

Richard Lederer


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Jokes in English

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout several countries. Take these as real-life examples of how text should not be translated!!

 

At the end, there follows a translation to Spanish done by ESI without any User intervention, fully Automatic Mode. Some of these translations add to the comicality, but most of them conserve the original's ambiguity.

 

Courtesy of Mr. Christian Faucheux, (Translator Services)
christian@all-languages.com
http://www.all-languages.com/


MEXICO

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

SPAIN

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well speaking
- Here speeching American.


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Jokes in Spanish

Aquí hay algunos signos y avisos escritos en inglés que fueron descubiertos. Tome estos ejemplos de la vida real de cómo el texto no deben ser traducido!!

 

Cortesía del señor Christian Faucheux, (Servicios de Traductor )
christian@all-languages.com
http://www.all-languages.com/

MEXICO

En un hotel Acapulco:
El gerente personalmente ha pasado toda el agua servida aquí.


ESPAÑA

Dos signos de una tienda Majorcan arrebata:
- La inglés habla sana
- Aquí el americano del Speeching.


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My Spell Checker

I have a spell checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see

Eye ran this poem threw it
Your sure real glad two no
Its very polished in its own weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

A cheek or is a blessing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles two reed
And aides me when aye rime

Now spilling does not phase me
It does knot bring a tier
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud

So ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want to please


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